Sometimes, when the going gets tough, I ask myself “what’s the point of going on?”.  Usually there would be something. However, these days, it seems like even the little things in life can’t keep me motivated anymore.

I don’t game like I used to – I log on, do my daily heroic and any dungeons I can get into… and that’s it. I seldom have the mood to set up raids or even just join them. I don’t try to mix-max. Daily quests? Hah! Often, I just log in and alt-tab out to surf the internet and watch dramas, which brings me to my next point.

Internet and dramas. These days, there’re few show that interest me. IRIS is blocked and I still haven’t found a good and reliable place to watch it from. My Girl (TV Asahi) is nice but the subbing is really, really slow. The others? Probably already watched them, or have no interest in. Meh. I don’t even use the internet for much these days – Facebook for mafia wars and cafe world… onemanga once in awhile… wow.com when I actually bother to remember… foruming is a thing of the past.

Friends. Those few I still keep in contact with are busier with other things. Girlfriends. School. Stuff. Gee, it’s hard to keep in contact let alone meet up frequently. I’m actually to start feeling lonely lolwhut.

Annabelle. My little bundle of joy. Some times, she’s the only one that keeps me going. I absolutely adore her and give in to her pretty much of the time. I know that as her uncle, I’m overtly doting on her but hey… my niece’s my niece and who’s to stop me from treating her the way I want to? Often when I’m out and I see something she might like, I actually stop in my tracks and pause to consider if I should get it for her. Often, when it seems like there is nothing else to live for, she reminds me that I do.

So why exactly do I keep going on? What’s there to live for?

I wonder.

I’m seriously exhausted.

Just 2 weeks of work and I’m already this beat. I still have the whole of next month and a few more weeks after that – the darn contract ends on 21 December. The job isn’t exactly that hard per see, but it’s just that I’m not used to manual labor.

I hate being too hot/cold. I hate getting dirty. My nose is allergic to dust. I hate moving heavy stuff around. In short, a job as a packer is totally unsuitable for me. So why exactly did I do it? Probably the same reason I took Engineering Informatics in polytechnic.

Darn it.

So… today’s the 30th. Gonna have to drop by at my agency after work today and submit my contract to get my pay. And I seriously can’t wait. There’s so many things that I want and yet am currently unable to afford.

A bike license+bike. Tbh, I don’t really care much for that. It’s just for convenience’s sake and my beloved, treasured niece… and nephew. Never forget the nephew, or my sis will say I am biased again.

Satio (the new awesomely chio Sony Ericson phone). A good pair of IEMs, duh. A ipod, thanks to my sister, who insisted she wants one for Christmas. I’ll probably get a ipod touch for myself and just a ipod nano or something cheaper for her.

Hey, it’s still gonna set my back by a 3-figure sum and considering what I’ve got her last year (300+ as well)… she better get me something really, really good. A gucci wallet, for example. Hint hint *coughs* heh.

Then again… do I really have what it takes to flaunt it? Or will it just be like the htc diamond – just another decorative accessory.

Life has been a total mess ever since I got the darn examination slip saying that I have been dismissed from school because I failed TWO modules, one of them being a repeat. Maths, ugh. It’s not even like I can’t do it. I can… if I have a example right next to me. I had to drop Additional Mathematics at secondary 4 because I couldn’t cope with it, and now I even have to drop out of my poly course because I still can’t do it? WTF?

So yeah… pretty much been in limbo until recently. Started my job today and it’s a good start, although having to wake up early in the morning again is a total pain in the ass. It’s a lot similar to the job I have as a sales promoter at Cold Storage, sans the selling part. I do have to organize/pack/carry stuff around, deal with tags, chillers/freezers and such. Thank god transport is provided though. Also, today is the 1st day in years that I’ve sat on a motorbike. Yay to nice superiors driving us home because we stay near to each other. Hopefully it’d be the same tomorrow.

About my current plans… I think I’ll probably just work until I get my enlistment letter from NS, go be a slave for 2 years or so and after completing my NS (national slavery), try to get into a course where I can actually do well. I’m still undecided if I should be a full time student again or study and work at the same time to support myself financially. Definitely won’t be going back to the same course though (and it’s not like I can because our juniors are like the last batch?).

I think that my options are pretty limited though, unless I don’t mind going to Republic Polytechnic. The cut off points for the more interesting courses at RP are actually pretty decent and I might be able to go for those. I still have the feeling that RP is sort of like ITE but hey… this definitely beats repeating a year of the course that I’m currently studying. I’m afraid I might get even worse results if I were to repeat cuz I have no idea how I even passed some of the modules that I’ve done. Studying at a private institution might be an option too, just that the school fees might be a tad high.

So… as of now, my plans are :
work until I can enter NS
complete NS alive
study&work or just study

Marriage? Kids? Hah. I’m almost at the point where I can forget about true romance so whatever. RAWR! Do want kids though.

Friends? Who are you kidding? Sif I even have any I still keep in contact with now. I’m lonely though so… anyone wants to be friends? Let me know so I can stalk j00 moar!

So… I went ahead and bought the game anyways. Yeah, I’m a sucker for games that give you freedom in character customization. Especially if its a MMOG. I spent hours alone on just fooling around with the character creation and…

this post wouldn’t be complete without a screenshot spam, would it? Here goes…

The family :

And my main toon, a sorceress :

Yes, I’m a noob. Didn’t know how >not< to show the interface until recently, and since these pictures were taken long before, bear with the clunky UI.

I’m also planning to eventually have 1 of each class as well (spirit master, assassin, ranger, gladiator, templar, cleric and chanter)… and right now, my SM-to-be just seems to ooze attitude. Like so :

dashing young ‘un, eh?

I’ve been looking at other player’s screenshots of their own toons and I just can’t wait to get to the higher level stages. Yeah, I went Elyos. Can’t wait till I get to 25, inch my way into the abyss… being the underdog and seeing hundreds of Asmodians (the other faction) around.

I’m looking up this game at the moment. The character customization is just something I absolutely adore. You can literally make your character look like anything you want. Viva la the Sims. The degree in which you can immerse yourself and create exactly how your virtual toon looks.. that’s always been something I’m fascinated with.

Doesn’t help (my pockets) that I love Lineage II either and this game is starting to look a bit like that. It sure brings back memories. I just hope Aion won’t be another grind fest like most Korean games (and Lineage II, admittedly) are.

The classes avaliable seems pretty restricting though. Gladiator, assassin, cleric, templar, sorcerer, chanter, ranger and spiritmaster… admitted old time cliches, but then again… which RPG doesn’t have them? I’ve seen the class introduction video on youtube and honestly… I can’t make up my mind yet. It’s probably something I can decide only after I’ve played each and every class to some measure.

The main question here is… should I actually go and get the game? I have absolutely no savings atm, except from the $100 odd bucks I always have in my wallet. Even my bank account, the one with the atm card, barely has any money in it – figuring in the double digits.

I’m not even sure if my appeal will be successful and I’ll be able to continue my studies, or if I’ll be forced to go to NS (which Qadir so succinctly coined National Slavery). Probably won’t be worth it if I’m going to NS but hey… how long can this game last? Even Guild Wars, which you pay once and can get to play for free forever (excluding expansions) barely lasted 2-3 years or so.

Should I get the game?

Because I’m such a nice friend, here’s the update.. as requested by Stribog/Krenig/Qadir.

Updated!

There you go (:

I have never grasped the appeal of cars. In fact, I can’t even tell my Jaguars from my Hondas. The only thing I know? Lamborghinis are cool. I wouldn’t recognize it even if it ran over me in some freak accident though.

Accident. That actually sounds pretty good. I’ll cover it in another post, but here’s what you need to know in 1 line : I failed all the modules I took the previous semester, hence resulting in a dismissal. Unless I appeal. The funny thing? I only took TWO modules, so yeah… bugger.

There I go derailing myself again. Anyway, seems like my mum somehow managed to get 4 results for the upcoming F1 race. Again. There was 1 wasted ticket the other time and this time there’s another spare. I really, really want to ask a friend along, but it seems my mum has gotten someone else to go watch it with us? WTF?

Oh well. The only appeal cars have for me is the speed anyway. Gosh. Don’t you just love it when you’re in one that’s going over 200kmph? That’s just… pure win. Then again, there’s so many other ways to get high. Something safe like bungee jumping. Or whatever.

Also, the only reason I’ll ever get a car? To bring my loved ones around in. Like Annabelle, once my sis feels my driving is safe enough, lawl. That’s all. Probably won’t care much for anything else.

PS. I just wish a god damn car will run over me, then I wouldn’t have to tell my parents I failed both modules I took. But that will never happen because I’m always at home. Oh wait. Going out tomorrow. Wish me luck. God, please spare anyone else I’m with though.

Shotgun marriages. My sister’s involved in one so I have mixed feelings about this issue. But that’s not the point. Apparently, some other acquaintance has or is going to do it.

We’re 19/20. Doing something dumb at this age is totally expected. But to involve someone else who’s much, much younger? You’re ruining her future. Get it in your head. You’re ruining her future. Got that clear yet? Good.

Then again, this person couldn’t possible be bothered by what I say/type. So I shall feel free to express myself here.

The thing about about having sex before marriage is… *drumroll* either do it safe, or don’t do it with the person you’re going to marryat all. It’s stupid. Do you want your prospective partner’s family to think lowly of the 2 of you? It’s not a pretty sight when you marry with a huge stomache. From the time the girl realizes she is pregnant to the time when you register at the ROM and marry, the pregnancy gets really big and obvious.

Then there is the issue of you having to earn enough for her medical bills, stuff for the baby and such. It’s not cheap and if it’s a short gun marriage… you pretty much only have a few months. Unless you have like.. massive, huge savings already planned for such an emergency.

And if that is so… why not just have multiple sex partners? You can get them to abort the baby anytime, or just pay for the seeds you sow. Pun intended. It’s crude and coarse, but if you’re the type of irresponsible and rich person, why not?

Then again, on the other hand.. if you’re stupidbrave to step up and take responsibility for what happened, I’d say… good for you. But think before you act. It’s a huge burden, both emotionally and financially.

So, now that the holidays are actually here, what the hell have I been doing, you ask?

Well, besides logging into WoW for like 20 mins or so each day just to chit chat, besides watching korean/japanese/taiwanese dramas and movies, besides wasting time on manga… I’ve got a new headphone, so that means a whole lot of skyping and just chatting with people in general. Reading a couple of books I borrowed from the library. Pigging out a lot.

And sleeping in. I actually slept till 3pm on Sunday which was a huge surprise even to myself. The weather for the past few days have been terrific for sleeping in. I think I’ve become a little more like my sister (who’s a total pig). Now, besides taking hour-long showers, I even sleep in till… late afternoon. And my shower time is now screwed too. Showering at 1am just before I sleep… is just weird, but also what I’ve been doing lately.

I need to start exercising more. Probably will take to swimming and jogging in the mornings.. or after 12am. I’m just weird that way. 12am jogs are epic.

(now that I think about it, my night and day have probably been reversed now)