It’s been ages and truthfully, I’ve almost forgotten that you even exist. You were the one that provided me with comfort and solace when I was going through some of the toughest parts of my life, including the period of time when my grandfather was ill and would not go for any dialysis or any treatment. (Thankfully, he’s gotten round to it and is taking his medicine and dialysis regularly.) Yet, I can forget about you. Shows how much of a selfish ungrateful bitch I am, doesn’t it? Heh.

Remember I used to say that I’d blog a lot more often when there are actually worthwhile things to write about? It’s nearly there – in fact, I’ve been so busy I hardly had time to do anything. It was definitely the right choice to go to church and seek God again. His grace has made all things possible… although there are certain expectations that have yet been met. Still, I believe God will take care of things and he might not give us what we seek immediately, but He will never be late. Life actually seems worth living now and I find myself actually looking forward to what’s next.

I’ve also finally gone ahead and got my DSLR, although I hardly know anything at all. There’s still soooooo much more I have to learn and this time round I’m realllllllllllyyyyyy hungry for it. My talents are still a far cry from where I want them to be, but I believe I’ll get there, God willing.

The only thing I hunger for in my life now is more fulfilling relationships, but I’m working on that. Still waiting to meet the right people (especially my soul mate, hopeless romantic that I am).

Anyways, life’s been pretty good. If I wasn’t serving my ns, I could probably even say it’s one of the better periods. Truth be told, 31FMD is among one of the better places to be posted to, but the way my superiors treat me leaves much to be desired. I still wouldn’t want to go to any other camp/units though.

I guess that pretty much sums it all up. Till next time, my dear blog.

Then again, there isn’t really much to say. Life has been pretty mundane since I entered NS / the army. It’s the same old shit week after week. Book out on Fri/Sat, wash clothes and take a bath the moment I reach home and then get myself glued to the computer chair the whole day. I don’t even know what I do on the computer that takes up so much time. It’s a far cry from how colorful life was back when I was still schooling and stuff.

Army isn’t quite as bad as I expected it to be as well. Yet. It’s probably because I have some pretty awesome commanders and even when they punish us, it’s within reasons and not too bad. The training might be tough at times and I might choose to slack off, but I’m pretty sure that I’m much fitter than I ever was. I’ve lived 20 years without doing much exercise and now it’s like I’m getting paid to be fit – which isn’t such a bad thing after all.

Food sucks and I don’t get to do the things I enjoy until I book out, but it’s still acceptable. I might even say that I’m rather bored sometimes when I book out. There really isn’t much for me to do. I’ve lost contact with most of my friends so now I usually just hang around town with my sis and her 2 kids. As much as I love them, there are a lot of things you can’t do with 2 kids around.

Currently, I don’t have a girl friend or even just friends that I can hang out with on a weekly basis. I live a pretty loser-ish life, so if I’m happy when booking out, it’s just because I can see my family and eat the food I like. Sure, I can go ahead and make some “friends”, but because I’m a shy guy they usually just turn out to be more like acquaintances rather than “real friends”. I really, really envy people who have awesome friends and are living the life.

I’ve also lost directions in life. I’m a PhD (poly halfway dropout). Shameful, really, since I was in my final year when I dropped out and the appeal didn’t even succeed. With all that has been said and done, this is what my wish-list looks like :

• Make some major changes in life
• Get into a respectful career/school
• Get some real friends / soul-mates
• Pick a 3rd language
• Pick up some new skills (ie. playing a muscial instrument, dancing, photographing, etc.)

That’s all I ask for. It’s not too much to ask for, is it?

He’s now lying in the hospital ward. I’m expected to be at the hospital the whole day again – I spent about 2 weeks with him at the hospital everyday from morning to night the previous time he was admitted, lived at my aunt’s place for about a month to take care of him (forgoing sleep and stuff occasionally and even *gasp* doing housework)… and now he’s at the hospital again.

And guess what? Fucking NUH doesn’t give wifi access to the visitors. That’s just sad. I might actually be looking forward to entering NS in 11 days time (14th September).

I just want someone to be there to accompany me on life’s adventures. I’ll be there for you through thick and thin, if only you’ll grab my hands and cruise along life’s path.

Spent the next few hours biting my nails (a veeeeerrrrryyyyyy bad habit I thought I’d quitted) while waiting for more news. Very harrowing. Finally, at about 4-5+, they got my mum to sign the paper work and transfer him to the HD (High dependency) unit… where only 2 people were allowed in at a time; mum and aunt (who came after work) went in first. It was about 7+ when I finally got to see him, so I think I spent 5 hours waiting just to get a glimpse of my grandfather. Went home not long after cousins came since it seemed gramps needed his sleep.

Since I’m the only bum in the family… I spent the whole of yesterday and today with gramps in the ward. I brought along books and stuff to make sure I wasn’t bored and just so my grandpa would have company and can call me anytime he needs anything. Water? Blanket? Wet towel? A massage? Coffee? Phone? Newspaper? Just give me a second and he’ll get it. (PS. Even though I am a book worm, I am a man of few words. I was mostly there just as a silent companion. I’m not quiteee sure how to make small talk so…)

Sis finally came today as well. I thought she’d bring her children along so I was plenty disappointed when they weren’t, but I guess it’s true it’s not such a good idea to have young kids there. Not only are they immune systems not as strong, but knowing my niece and nephew… they’d probably raise hell there lol.

Anyways… I’ll be going there again tomorrow… in a few hours actually. Getting some much needed sleep while I can so g’nite.

I remember all the good times that we shared… but do you?

When I think of entering NS, I think of all the things I wish I have done and the things I’ve regretted, but now that it’s actually drawing nearer… I’m thinking of my family. How will I cope without my parents by my side? Will they be lonely without me by their sides?

My mum’s always seemed so strong… but that’s because she has us by her side, right? Will she really be ok when I’m away from home? My sister’s gonna have a 3rd child soon (when she can’t even handle her 2 kids now). Whenever we meet up, she’ll push the responsibility of looking after the kids to me while she enjoys her shopping sessions. Will she be ok, looking after her 3 children? Sure, she has her husband and his family with her, but still, I worry. She probably won’t get to go out as much and thinking of her looking after her 3 kids outside… just gives me bouts of endless laughter.

Mum, dad, sis… take care of yourselves alright? You have to be strong when I’m away from training and I’ll definitely be thinking of you.

I still remember when we made pancakes together. You’d prepare everything and let me whip the batter into shape. It’s just somehow relaxing, which might be why I love baking so much. You’d pour the batter onto the pan because I, being the coward that I am, was scared of the heat.

And when they were done… we’d fight over who gets to eat which piece. I used to be bitter about us fighting over food, but that you’re no longer here with me, I really really miss that. We’d bicker and sometimes that would escalate, but most of the time we’d be joking and laughing over it. They were the seasonings of love and what made the food taste delectable and the places more memorable. Admittedly, it was kinda fun. Nowadays, eating seems like such a lonely activity.

The other time, I went out to eat with my friends, but it just didn’t feel the same. You weren’t there. There was no one to fight over food with. No one to tell me that I’m holding the chopsticks funny.

I miss the times we shared, when you weren’t married, when you were still my sister.

PS. We still meet almost every week, but it just doesn’t feel the same anymore. Most of the times, I’m so exasperated I don’t even know if you’re treating me as a younger brother… or as a slave. Then again, that could just be due to your kids being so darn mischievious. But that’s what I like about them.

PSS. At the end of the day, no matter how much I complain, I’m still happy becasue we got to meet up and I feel like a real uncle, taking care of my precious niece and nephew.

Don’t ask me why I linked the video because idk either.

Maybe because it’s as depressing as what I’m feeling at the moment.

I got my enlistment letter. I’ll be going on 14th September, so that doesn’t leave much time for me to do the things I want to do before I go in. And yet, here I am, sitting in front of the computer and wasting my life away.

Losing all senses (I can get the game card for a few bucks less if I had gone to Sim Lim Square) and throwing caution to the wind… I went in and bought another game card. 50 bucks. Didnt even bother using my membership for the discount.

So what the hell happened to taking a break from WoW for a few days? It went to hell, that’s all. I’m back in WoW, back in the AH cutting throats and ruining BGs.

Just more casual.